Hi ya’ll I know I haven’t blogged in literally years and a whole LOT has happened but I have recently been enjoying writing again on threads and thought it would be good to start a series here on what I wish I knew when I was younger. Consider this part 1!
One thing that you should embed into your brain as a young lady is routines and systems. Establishing & following a routine will set you up for success in all areas of your life. Here are some routines (Part 1 – follow and stay tuned for Part 2) I wish I had established as a younger woman and some I am implementing now at 46 (which is harder bc you are literally reprogramming your brain😫 SO DO THIS NOW IF YOURE YOUNGER!) These are the more personal routines:
Morning/ Nighttime routines: Self explanatory but usually consist of making the bed (key habit that will lead to a more productive day), spending time with God (even more 🔑) prayer/affirmation/meditation time, skincare, hygiene, get ready/wind down, etc.
Skincare/hygiene routine: You should have a cleanser, toner, moisturizer & eye cream at minimum. Exfoliate with a scrub (face & body) at least once a week and also use a mask to replenish. Hygiene should consist of a base soap (Dial or Castile soap), feminine wash, body wash (scented), witch hazel, oil, lotion, foot cream, deodorant, body sprays, fragrance. You should also have a 5-10-20 minute makeup routine. I can break both skincare/hygiene down in another post, just let me know
Health routine: Move your body& maintain weight & dr/dental appts. As a cancer survivor it was expressed to me how important movement/exercise & maintaining a good weight is to lowering risks all types of illnesses. Movement could be as simple as walking but I would also suggest lifting weights. Purchase a set on Amazon & perform a workout on YouTube. Make it easy for yourself. Drink LOTS of water! Limit bad foods & alcohol. Make sure you’re taking vitamins and keeping health appts, etc
Menstrual routine: Learn more about the phases of your menstrual cycle & pay attention to how they affect you. Address PMS – are you more sensitive or triggered- that means avoiding consuming certain content, being more gentle with yourself, allowing more time so you’re not rushed or frustrated, etc. What things do you need during this time: pain meds, teas, heating pads? Also what products work best for you: organic or cloth pads/tampons/ menstrual cup, disposable panties? Find out and do that.
Self care/ self maintenance routine (1): Self care to me means spending time w/self and doing things that bring you joy. This could include things that are apart of self maintenance like therapy, manis/pedis, or separate like reading, taking a class, baking, any hobby,etc. Your self maintenance routine should include taking care of your appearance: doesn’t matter whether you are a DIY girly or seek professional assistance. Appearances matter whether you like it or not, it’s just facts
Self care/ self maintenance routine (2): You should strive to look put together, neat, & clean always. Presenting your best self will always move you forward. Of course we all have off days but if fall into not wanting to take care of yourself address your mental health. I know when I don’t want to take care of basics I’m falling into depression. Which leads to the last routine for part 1
Mental health routine: Your mental diet is JUST as important as your physical diet. Pay attention to what you are consuming thru your ears and eye gates. Get therapy. Journal. Alleviate stress by staying organized, allowing yourself time and delegating. Also cry. We weren’t meant to hold things in! If you can’t do it on the spot, go to your car and let it out! Or schedule it. I do so by watching a movie I know will get those tears falling (Best Man Holiday) & I feel so much better after
Just know every woman’s routines will look different depending on who they are & the season of life they are in. And alot of them can be combined together. I know this seems like a lot but God gave you 7 days & 1 of those days included rest so make sure you do that. Don’t make excuses. We have so many tools available to live the life we want! & I’m not of the hustle mentality, I’m all about the soft life but let’s not confuse a soft life for a lazy one
Save this post for later, share with your bff & follow me for part 2. I was thinking about creating some in depth PDFs as a guide (these are only suggestions, you should tailor routines around YOUR life) so let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in. And if you have routines & best practices share them in the comments to help all the girlies🫶🏽
Love, Ricki
BUT HUNNY!!! If you knew me say 4-5 years ago I could not have stepped out in public with my natural hair EVER!!! I would have felt ugly. Period. I had low self esteem and hardly any self confidence. I looked haggard (my sister and mother actually told me that ugh) and I was about 225 lbs and you could have easily thought I was 10 years older than I actually was. It was sad. I was sad. And you could actually see it from the way I carried myself, talked, my activities EVERYTHING! My life was my kids and my marriage was not good. I just wasn’t in a good place in life. I considered suicide. Again. But I promised myself I would never leave my children motherless. At least not by my hand. I’ve always struggled with depression most of my life. When I was 4 & 5 years old I was molested. I don’t remember all of what happened but I knew what was going on wasn’t right. My mother found out what happened and actions were taken and people went to jail. But unfortunately I went with them to my own personal jail. It’s something about having your innocence taken away that makes you feel dirty, tainted, and unworthy. I can say my Mama did the best she could to make sure I went to therapy and group sessions but this was all while I was still very young. See you don’t really feel the effects of what abuse does to you until you are older. Until you are growing up and your body changes and you experience love or what you think is love and deal with the stresses of adulting. All of that took a toll on me. However I survived those things but I wasn’t living life. I was cold, mean, not affectionate, and confusing to people that loved me. The tiniest thing would depress me and I never ever felt someone would truly love me because of what I had been through and therefore I never let anyone be close to me. In October 2001 I attempted suicide after a break up. I took as many Xanax pills as I had which were quite a few and decided to leave this earth. I’m not sure if I really wanted to die but at that time I didn’t feel worthy enough to stay here. Fortunately I was awakened by family members and an ambulance and I was not too far gone so my stomach didn’t have to be pumped but I did have to drink that nasty charcoal (y’all you will have that stuff in your system for months!) and I was committed to a psych ward for 2 days. It was an experience I never wish to have again. Years later I wanted to live but I still wasn’t enjoying life because of the depression. I still was looking for love that I didn’t give myself. BUT GOD!!! He will let you know you are loved. I can’t say it was a church that helped me specifically it was just my prayers and I’m sure the prayers of others that were interceding on my behalf but I decided I wanted to love me. I wanted to love me like God loves me. I wanted to enjoy my life as Rickey Nicole. Not a wife or mom or daughter or sister. Just as me. And then the transformation began. Was it overnight? Of course not. But little by little I started discovering who I was and what I liked and didn’t like and what I enjoyed doing and started living a little. I experimented with new clothing. I discovered make up and hair tutorials on YouTube and I tried everything whether it worked or not lol. Those things might seem superficial but discovering my beauty and worth filled me with happiness and people could tell. I’m still an introvert (ha I bet you don’t believe that) but I talk to people now instead of hide. I laugh, I smile, I’m even a bit of a flirt (with my husband of course *wink*). Life has changed drastically since I’ve learned to love myself. And even though everyday isn’t peachy I still remember where I was and I’m grateful because I’m here to experience it all the good and the bad. This is also why I celebrate being a seasoned woman because I got better as I grew older and I hope to inspire other ladies that aging can be THE best blessing (I mean a birthday means you are still living right!) So I guess I’ll leave you with a tip to the secret of how I discovered self love. Remember you were created in His image and He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Tell me who knows that!!! God! And through Him ALL things are possible even loving yourself almost as much as He loves you. I mean cause you can’t out love God but you can come pretty dang close!
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