I Slid in her DMs – Friendship in your 40s

Bestie date!

Yup you read that right, I slid in her DMs. On Instagram of all places! It’s so funny to me when I tell people that and see the look on their face but the truth is social media is a pretty common place to meet people in this day and age. So let me tell you the story and then we will get into some tips on how you can maybe meet and develop friendships as long as you are not apart of that “no new friends” club. Thanks Drake *side eye*

So I honestly can’t remember how I started following Sheena on Instagram but some kind of way I did. I remember I thought she was beautiful (because as women we can appreciate another beautiful woman) and she was stylish. I also noticed she had just moved into a new home which she was decorating and she lived in Houston! So I liked a few pics (well maybe more than a few lol) and commented here and there. Let me back up some tho. I had recently felt a yearning in my heart for a friend, a real friend. I had been going through some things, I was struggling and I remember asking God to bring me a friend. Not a relative because I do have a sister and sister in laws that I am close to but sometimes you need a friend who isn’t family. Where you know the connection is based on ya’ll purely having a mutual affection for each other. Plus a person outside your family tends to be less judgmental and of course unbiased. I even remember posting on my Instagram stories about how I was open to friendship but I felt it was just weird trying to make friends when you were older. Let me tell you something, when you pray and ask God for something He will give you the desires of your heart as long as it aligns with His will. I didn’t know what I know now but looking back it all makes sense.

Our first lunch in 2017 and the Toni Braxton concert in January 2019

So anyway back to the story, Sheena was decorating her new home and since I knew this I used this information to slide in her DMs. I was browsing the At Home store and noticed they had pillows on sale. So I sent Sheena a message with a pic of the pillows. She said thank you and let me know she would be picking some up. I don’t remember but I think she also shared it on her stories as well. Listen I was thinking to myself I hope this lady doesn’t think I am weird or crazy or something because back then stories was fairly new and people weren’t really responding to them or sending messages like they do now.  So I continued to follow along with her stories and I would message her and she messaged me back here and there etc. Really wasn’t too much going on until she relaunched her boutique.  I decided to buy a purse I really liked from her but instead of shipping it to me we decided to meet up for lunch so I could get it from her. Now if you know anything about Houston Sheena lives way on the Southside of the city (still does) and I live way on the Northside (still do) about 45-60 minutes away (yes Houston is that big!). So we decided to meet at a central location for lunch and I can say we had a really great time just laughing and talking about our lives, our kids and just things we loved. I knew I had left that lunch with a new friend. Now were we best buddies? Not yet but we continued to keep in touch thru IG actually (even though we had each other’s phone numbers we still DM each other ALL THE TIME). We would share posts, laugh, comment on each other’s posts and stories and so on. We started showing up on posts on each other’s page. We met again for brunch and I came to Sheena’s house and ironically we did a live together before Christmas about marriage lol. Well later that December Sheena decided to start her weightless journey and I had mentioned to her that I had lost weight through the Keto diet. I gave her the basics because I am no expert but Sheena took that information, did her research and took off! I mean my friend really did the damn thing and lost over 60 lbs. But this was just the beginning of our story. I can’t really get into specifics about everything but I can tell you she is someone that was brought into my life when I needed it. When I decided to end my marriage she was there, through my tears and sadness she was there, when I struggled and was hurt she was there. When I was proud of myself for making a way for me and my kids on my own she was there, when I celebrated turning the big 4-0 she was there. She was never judgmental, she always told the truth and she was always caring with her words. I also knew if I needed to whoop someone’s ass she was down for the cause! Just being honest. I’m sure we have moments where we get on each other’s nerves (like when I wanted to nap in the DR, what? naps are a sign of good health!) but Sheena has blessed my life. I only hope I have been able to be as good as a friend to her as she has been to me. She’s my sister, she’s even my sister’s sister, that’s how good she is! And this was all because I decided to send her a message. I talk to her EVERYDAY and I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be without her. I write this now with big old tears falling onto my keyboard but I LOVE YOU SHEENA & I thank God and the Universe for letting us cross each other’s path! He will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20-21) because He did it for me with my best friend!

The Holiday dinner and Girlfriends live we did! We were always business minded- still are!
Punta Cana with the Ladies
Happy Hour with my sister and sister lol

Now that the sappy stuff is done let’s talk about making friends later in life specifically your 30s, 40s, & beyond. Here are my tips:

  • STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE – This may mean visiting a new spot to eat at, commenting on a post when you’re usually just a lurker or speaking to someone while waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store. I can tell you right now going outside of that comfort zone is scary BUT the best things can happen when you take that chance.
  • FIND COMMON INTERESTS – I hear all the time opposites attract but you have to have some similarities to get along with someone! Sheena and I both have four kids similar in ages. We are both the oldest, love style and make up and decor and so on. These things give us something to talk about and bond over. Find people that like things you like. And in the next bullet we will discuss how.
  • USE SOCIAL MEDIA – Listen how do you think these hook ups are happening??? People are meeting each other thru social media. Whether its a DM or a Facebook group folks are finding people with common interests and forming friendships. There are so many groups on Facebook. Groups for mommies, singles, single mamas, TV shows, memes, diet groups and I could go on forever. As a person that has been apart of some of these groups there are often meet & greets and events that happen where you can meet new people. GO TO THEM! Our Seasoned & Single FB group had a painting event in August. We met some fabulous ladies and had a great time. You can too you just have to get up and go out and be social!
  • GIVE IT TIME – When me and Sheena first met we had a great time and we hit if off but we weren’t Besties right away. Just like anything else good worth having in this world it takes work and time. We made time to talk AND listen to each other. We made time to see each other in person. We learned about each other and eventually walls came down and now we are the dynamic duo you see on your IG feed all the time. We live in an instant society however when you meet someone new, it might take some time to develop a friendship and thats okay.

Those are my tips but I want you to leave reading this post truly believing that friendship is a good thing. Based on the question sticker I posted yesterday on IG and the way the media pits women against each other I don’t think people view friendship and sisterhood as valuable anymore. I know if God wanted us to be alone He wouldn’t have created 7,655,957,369 people (as of 2018) to be in this world together. True friendship and especially sisterhood is necessary so we can continue to be encouraged, inspired, supported, esteemed, challenged and improve our quality of life. Yes even later on in age.  You of course cannot get time lost or wasted back BUT the God I know and serve can redeem your time and have you thinking you have known someone and been best buddies all your life! Ask me how I know.

Love Ricki

Author: rickiloves

Welcome to my blog, I'm Ricki! I always wanted to share my love for fashion and beauty and a few other things so I finally took the leap and did it! I am almost 40, a wife, mother of 4 and work in progress! I hope to show you with all that life brings your way, you can still be stylish and beautiful! No matter your age, shape, size, budget or imitations I hope to show you that you can always be the best version of you!