faband40

I Slid in her DMs – Friendship in your 40s

Yup you read that right, I slid in her DMs. On Instagram of all places! It’s so funny to me when I tell people that and see the look on their face but the truth is social media is a pretty common place to meet people in this day and age. So let me tell you the story and then we will get into some tips on how you can maybe meet and develop friendships as long as you are not apart of that “no new friends” club. Thanks Drake *side eye*

So I honestly can’t remember how I started following Sheena on Instagram but some kind of way I did. I remember I thought she was beautiful (because as women we can appreciate another beautiful woman) and she was stylish. I also noticed she had just moved into a new home which she was decorating and she lived in Houston! So I liked a few pics (well maybe more than a few lol) and commented here and there. Let me back up some tho. I had recently felt a yearning in my heart for a friend, a real friend. I had been going through some things, I was struggling and I remember asking God to bring me a friend. Not a relative because I do have a sister and sister in laws that I am close to but sometimes you need a friend who isn’t family. Where you know the connection is based on ya’ll purely having a mutual affection for each other. Plus a person outside your family tends to be less judgmental and of course unbiased. I even remember posting on my Instagram stories about how I was open to friendship but I felt it was just weird trying to make friends when you were older. Let me tell you something, when you pray and ask God for something He will give you the desires of your heart as long as it aligns with His will. I didn’t know what I know now but looking back it all makes sense.

Our first lunch in 2017 and the Toni Braxton concert in January 2019

So anyway back to the story, Sheena was decorating her new home and since I knew this I used this information to slide in her DMs. I was browsing the At Home store and noticed they had pillows on sale. So I sent Sheena a message with a pic of the pillows. She said thank you and let me know she would be picking some up. I don’t remember but I think she also shared it on her stories as well. Listen I was thinking to myself I hope this lady doesn’t think I am weird or crazy or something because back then stories was fairly new and people weren’t really responding to them or sending messages like they do now. So I continued to follow along with her stories and I would message her and she messaged me back here and there etc. Really wasn’t too much going on until she relaunched her boutique. I decided to buy a purse I really liked from her but instead of shipping it to me we decided to meet up for lunch so I could get it from her. Now if you know anything about Houston Sheena lives way on the Southside of the city (still does) and I live way on the Northside (still do) about 45-60 minutes away (yes Houston is that big!). So we decided to meet at a central location for lunch and I can say we had a really great time just laughing and talking about our lives, our kids and just things we loved. I knew I had left that lunch with a new friend. Now were we best buddies? Not yet but we continued to keep in touch thru IG actually (even though we had each other’s phone numbers we still DM each other ALL THE TIME). We would share posts, laugh, comment on each other’s posts and stories and so on. We started showing up on posts on each other’s page. We met again for brunch and I came to Sheena’s house and ironically we did a live together before Christmas about marriage lol. Well later that December Sheena decided to start her weightless journey and I had mentioned to her that I had lost weight through the Keto diet. I gave her the basics because I am no expert but Sheena took that information, did her research and took off! I mean my friend really did the damn thing and lost over 60 lbs. But this was just the beginning of our story. I can’t really get into specifics about everything but I can tell you she is someone that was brought into my life when I needed it. When I decided to end my marriage she was there, through my tears and sadness she was there, when I struggled and was hurt she was there. When I was proud of myself for making a way for me and my kids on my own she was there, when I celebrated turning the big 4-0 she was there. She was never judgmental, she always told the truth and she was always caring with her words. I also knew if I needed to whoop someone’s ass she was down for the cause! Just being honest. I’m sure we have moments where we get on each other’s nerves (like when I wanted to nap in the DR, what? naps are a sign of good health!) but Sheena has blessed my life. I only hope I have been able to be as good as a friend to her as she has been to me. She’s my sister, she’s even my sister’s sister, that’s how good she is! And this was all because I decided to send her a message. I talk to her EVERYDAY and I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be without her. I write this now with big old tears falling onto my keyboard but I LOVE YOU SHEENA & I thank God and the Universe for letting us cross each other’s path! He will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20-21) because He did it for me with my best friend!

The Holiday dinner and Girlfriends live we did! We were always business minded- still are!

Happy Hour with my sister and sister lol

Now that the sappy stuff is done let’s talk about making friends later in life specifically your 30s, 40s, & beyond. Here are my tips:

STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE – This may mean visiting a new spot to eat at, commenting on a post when you’re usually just a lurker or speaking to someone while waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store. I can tell you right now going outside of that comfort zone is scary BUT the best things can happen when you take that chance.
FIND COMMON INTERESTS – I hear all the time opposites attract but you have to have some similarities to get along with someone! Sheena and I both have four kids similar in ages. We are both the oldest, love style and make up and decor and so on. These things give us something to talk about and bond over. Find people that like things you like. And in the next bullet we will discuss how.
USE SOCIAL MEDIA – Listen how do you think these hook ups are happening??? People are meeting each other thru social media. Whether its a DM or a Facebook group folks are finding people with common interests and forming friendships. There are so many groups on Facebook. Groups for mommies, singles, single mamas, TV shows, memes, diet groups and I could go on forever. As a person that has been apart of some of these groups there are often meet & greets and events that happen where you can meet new people. GO TO THEM! Our Seasoned & Single FB group had a painting event in August. We met some fabulous ladies and had a great time. You can too you just have to get up and go out and be social!
GIVE IT TIME – When me and Sheena first met we had a great time and we hit if off but we weren’t Besties right away. Just like anything else good worth having in this world it takes work and time. We made time to talk AND listen to each other. We made time to see each other in person. We learned about each other and eventually walls came down and now we are the dynamic duo you see on your IG feed all the time. We live in an instant society however when you meet someone new, it might take some time to develop a friendship and thats okay.

Those are my tips but I want you to leave reading this post truly believing that friendship is a good thing. Based on the question sticker I posted yesterday on IG and the way the media pits women against each other I don’t think people view friendship and sisterhood as valuable anymore. I know if God wanted us to be alone He wouldn’t have created 7,655,957,369 people (as of 2018) to be in this world together. True friendship and especially sisterhood is necessary so we can continue to be encouraged, inspired, supported, esteemed, challenged and improve our quality of life. Yes even later on in age. You of course cannot get time lost or wasted back BUT the God I know and serve can redeem your time and have you thinking you have known someone and been best buddies all your life! Ask me how I know.

Love Ricki

Tips on how to add some seasoning to your life (well at least your hair)!

If you know me then you know I enjoy changing up my look. As a seasoned woman variety is the spice of life and I love a lot of variety! However as a single mother of four my pocketbook doesn’t always agree with my need to change. That lead me to find inexpensive alternatives to these high cost bundles and frontals and the like and still be able to look good. I wanted to share some of the things I do to keep my look fresh but still seasoned.

First let’s talk about something real quick. As a 40 year old woman I in no way or shape want to be out here looking like a damn fool! All of my looks are fresh and fun but I am not trying to look like a 20 something (or anything else that I’m not). I don’t want to say I keep it age appropriate but in reality that is what I do. I work in a corporate environment and even though it is a relaxed office I would not feel comfortable or be taken seriously by sporting some wild hairstyle or some rainbow colors. Now if this is your thing by all means do it but as for me and my life, we will keep it real. That’s another thing… I am not against the 30 inch weaves falling down your butt, do you Boo!!! However, personally I like my hairstyles (for the most part cause I do have a moment here and there lol) to look believable not unbeweavable. I try to stick with natural colors and with textures close to my own natural hair. I am natural and one of the reasons I also wear wigs and weaves is to protect my hair and keep me from resorting back to the creamy crack.

Now that we got that out the way let’s talk about all this hair!

TIP #1 – Research! I never ever purchase a wig without looking up a review online first. I mostly search YouTube videos by putting in the search what I am looking for. For example, if I want to wear a curly style I will search curly synthetic wig. It is important to put synthetic so those types of wigs will show at the top of the search. If you’re trying to just get a new hairstyle or maybe even try a style before purchasing or attempting a more expensive version. Synthetic is the way to go. Companies have come a long way with how these wigs now look and I promise most of them look like real hair now. I also go to Youtube because I like to see how the wig came out of the box and if any manipulation is required to make this wig look natural. I will just tell you now, you will very rarely be able to wear a wig straight out of the package. You will need a reference to make it look like you want it to. Some ladies I follow on Youtube that you can check out to get an idea of how to wear these wigs are: The Brilliant Beauty, The Hearts and Cake90, Trendy Kay, Ms MuffinisMyLovers, Her Style, NaturalJoy & OhsoFashionable805. These ladies will give full reviews on the wig, show you how it came out the box and how to wear it. Here are some full wigs I have enjoyed in the past.

Same wig, middle part

Same wig, side part

TIP#2- Try a simple style. You don’t have to go big or go home when changing up your look. You can switch things up by adding a hair piece or using a half wig. When I am between hairstyles like sew ins or braids I will purchase a half wig to get me through! One of my favorites is the Outre Dominican Culy Half Wig which you can purchase here. Now I love big hair and this half wig can get very big but I tame it somewhat by wearing it in a half up/half down hairstyle. I even did a Youtube tutorial showing how I installed it on my natural hair. You can take a look here. Another simple way to make a change is to add a pony tail or braid. You can buy a drawstring ponytail from your local beauty supply for under $15 or get a pack of cheap braiding hair and make a braid. I love to use to wear the halo braid which I learned how to do by watching a simple tutorial on you guessed it, Youtube!

TIP#3 – Have fun with your hair. Sometimes as seasoned women we take ourselves a little too seriously. It’s okay to play around and try different looks and hair and makeup is one of the easiest ways to accomplish this. Get out of your style rut and try something different. It doesn’t have to be a drastic change as I stated before but a new look can have you feeling like a million bucks. I also suggest if there is a hairstyle or hair color you have been thinking about trying try it in a temporary form first. A wig is a great way to try out a color without making a commitment or even damaging your hair.

TIP#4 – Set a budget. A little here and there can add up quickly. I try to set a budget when I am purchasing wigs and I always search the internet for the best deals. I will tell you now it is almost always cheaper to buy on a wig website instead or your local beauty supply store BUT it is even better when you’re buying in bulk you also get free shipping. I usually do my research and buy a variety of wigs (usually 2-3) at a time. Here are some of the sites I like to purchase from:

www.wigtypes.com

www.amazon.com

www.samsbeauty.com

These are reputable sights with fast shipping available and I can always find something within my budget.

Another budget friendly look you can do yourself that lasts a little longer than wigs is crochet braid styles. I love crochet styles and they have some a LONG way from the 90s when we first started wearing them. Take a look below on some of the styles I have worn.

The main thing I want you seasoned ladies to take from this post is that it is never too late to reinvent yourself and you don’t have to do something like cut your hair. You can just get a new wig and become a new you!!!

Now let me know in the comments if you would try some of these looks!

Love Ricki

A little Consideration

Dress: here (Currently 50% off )

I am going to make this post short and sweet. As a mother of four I do thoroughly enjoy Mother’s Day. I even bought this dress specifically to celebrate the holiday but as I have become more seasoned and experienced life changes I now understand that Mother’s Day can be a hurtful holiday for some. Of course celebrate the mothers in your life or your own motherhood but keep in mind our sisters who may be experiencing a not so good time. As we approach Mother’s Day I want us to remember these things.

Illustration is by Marie Andrews via Instagram

Also, be sure to remember to be sensitive to those who may have lost the people that celebrated them as mothers (i.e. spouse).

Just remember even if it means nothing to you, it may mean everything to them.

Love Ricki

Represent

When I first started my blog all I heard about was finding your niche and identifying your target audience. You had to know who you were speaking to and who you were serving. I really had no idea who that was. I knew I loved fashion and makeup and everything associated with those things. I knew I was a woman of a certain age and I could no longer relate to younger women who were showing more than I cared to show anymore. I settled on blogging for women who were my age and enjoyed the things I loved and who wanted to see what I saw. But eventually that wasn’t enough for me anymore. Fashion is awesome and where would I be without concealer but I wanted to cover topics that were relevant to me and possibly to other women who looked like me.

I wanted to represent for the ladies that are in that weird place in life (at least it was weird for me) where you are getting older but you are not old! You still have so much life to live and share but you can now do it with more confidence because life experiences have taught you valuable lessons. I was stuck on how to describe this woman when my good friend Sheena (who I actually met through Instagram follow her @she_is_fab) told me you are not getting old you are just becoming seasoned. Thank you Sheena because I took this word and as you know I ran with it! I think it is the perfect word to describe where I am in life as well as other ladies in my audience. What does it mean to be a seasoned woman? My definition is a woman who has not just survived but conquered all those things that life tends to throw at us like hurt, pain and loss. Even though those experiences (which we tend to collect as we age) can be hard those experiances are necessary and help to sprinkle us with wisdom, perseverance, strength and that certain je ne sais quoi! Shoot that description right there makes me proud to be a seasoned woman! I mean who really wants to be bland anyway?

I decided at the request of my fellow seasoned sisters to create merchandise geared for us. My first venture into this scary new world is a graphic tee. I love T-shirts like the next person but I am careful about what I broadcast across my chest. For instance, I love trap music just like the next mother of teenagers, but I don’t want a T-shirt that says TRAP QUEEN. I wanted a T-shirt that was fun but at the same time expressed my pride in being a Seasoned Woman. I designed two shirts so far that I felt expressed and I hope you like them. Of course, these are samples and the final edit will be a little different (and better quality, I am figuring all this out as I go!) but I am uber proud of what I have came up with. So be on the lookout in the future for these and more! (Hint: sign up for email so you can get updates on the launch, pre sale information and discount codes. Do it now!)

Are you a seasoned woman? Does the definition describe you? Also what do you think of the shirts, would you buy and wear one? Let me know in the comments!

Love Ricki

She’s Basic: 5 Reasons I’m okay with being Basic

It’s okay to be basic

So I had planned another outfit for this post but last minute I had to pick something else. I couldn’t bring myself to wear much less promote anything from a company that obviously doesn’t want my coins and as a mother of a black son I’m just not here for it. So anyway I really had no idea what I wanted to wear and went to the mall for some inspiration. While browsing the clearance racks I found this gray duster and figured this would work with my favorite skinny jeans and a white shirt. But then it hit me! This outfit is so BASIC. No one will be excited about seeing these pics. I was on the verge of picking something else out, spending coins I shouldn’t when I said to myself this is a cute outfit. Why would I spend money I didn’t need to spend in order to impress anyone? I’m sorry that’s just not what a Seasoned Woman does. So instead I bought it and styled it (if you can even call it that) for the blog. I’m okay with being basic. And here are some reasons why:

Being Basic keeps my coins in my purse- When we try to impress people (people that don’t really care anyway) by being the flashiest or most extra, we are normally spending money we may not even have. Believe me ladies I know, I know. I’ve been the one with the designer bag and high heels trying to be the epitome of the Trina song we know so well. It didn’t do anything but leave me with no money to put in that purse and bad knees. As I’ve gotten more seasoned I’ve become okay with wearing basics. And this doesn’t just apply to clothes. It can happen when you try to be flashy and “front” as we used to say by being at every event knowing full well your gas light in your car is on or trying to keep up with Jones’ and having every cable channel, NBA league pass AND NFL ticket when no one humanly possible even has time to watch all that stuff much less pay for it! Hell I don’t even want cable anymore. I’ll Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime and chill any night. Or read a book (or listen to one).
Being Basic helps me stay in my own lane-A big part of being better (my word for 2018 -see the post here) is to focus on my strengths and improve upon my weaknesses and being basic helps me focus on that. When you’re not try to do all things and be everything and everywhere you learn to focus on what you love and what’s important. Suddenly losing so many loved ones last year helped me regain focus on truly living my life, discovering my passion and loving the ones I’m with.
Being Basic keeps me drama free-Nothing to see here cause I’m basic. When you give them nothing to talk about, there’s nothing to talk about. I’ll just stay over here making my moves in silence. Thanks.
Being Basic makes me unbothered- I don’t let too many things, people or situations bother me anymore. As a seasoned woman I have learned what is and what isn’t worth my time and energy. Sometimes that means being quiet, forgiving the offense and moving on to other things. I’ve also learned that worrying solves nothing and prayer solves everything. Saying just pray about it may be the most basic response someone can give when an issue arises but who can argue that prayer doesn’t work? I’ll wait.
Being Basic gets ish done- When you’re in your own lane, got a few dollars in that basic bag and you’re drama free and unbothered you get finish things. Honestly if I was trying to do the most, this blog post wouldn’t have gotten done. I think we all spend a little too much time on elaborate ideas instead of just executing simple plans, step by step. I always believe the mantra, progress is better than perfection. And who really wants to be fabulous but not moving forward in life. Not saying you shouldn’t present your best but just don’t get caught up that nothing is accomplished. Rather than trying to be the perfect most original blogger ever (in my opinion there is really no original idea only an original you!) I’ll just be basic and live my best life!

Love Ricki